Ripon Public Library

I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki, Baek Sehee ; translated from the Korean by Anton Hur

eng

autobiography

no index present

non fiction

I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki

1334494607

Baek Sehee ; translated from the Korean by Anton Hur

Baek Sehee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her - what to call it? - depression? She feels persistently low, anxious, endlessly self-doubting, but also highly judgemental of others. She hides her feelings well at work and with friends; adept at performing the calmness, even ease, her lifestyle demands. The effort is exhausting, overwhelming, and keeps her from forming deep relationships. This can't be normal. But if she's so hopeless, why can she always summon a desire for her favourite street food, the hot, spicy rice cake, tteokbokki? Is this just what life is like? Recording her dialogues with her psychiatrist over a 12-week period, Baek begins to disentangle the feedback loops, knee-jerk reactions and harmful behaviours that keep her locked in a cycle of self-abuse

Prologue -- Slightly depressed -- Am I a pathological liar? -- I'm under constant surveillance -- My desire to become special isn't special at all -- The Goddamn self-esteem -- What should I do to know myself better? -- Regulating, judging, being disappointed, leaving -- Medication side effects -- Obsession with appearances and histrionic personality disorder -- Why do you like me? Will you still like me if I do this? Or this? -- I don't look pretty -- Rock bottom -- Epilogue: it's okay, those who don't face darkness can never appreciate the light -- Psychiatist's note: from one incompleteness to another -- Postscript: reflections of life following therapy